Death from my own eyes again I

I wrote of a different inevitable death long ago, but all deaths are inevitable in a sense
so it shouldn't be refereed just as such

The thing I can think of the most is the title of a song in german sung by japanese and in english.

Come oh! Come oh please and end the suffering.
For if we are at peace with yourself then the demons are really angels.

I have not words of mine to use, it is odd, oh so strange!
A cautionary tale? An horror tale? A pledge to have?

I feel tired, and my life is oddly enough going out of track at this precise point

What do I want of it?
I don't know, let's finish two tasks ahead, and see how they go and then perhaps do try to pass my very own unclimbable wall

Perhaps that is what the impossible dream means.

Let me not die ingloriously and without struggle but let me first do something that shall be told among men hereafter.

Not my words again.

Where are my words and where are my films? Where are the feelings that come alongside those?

I feel tired indeed and kinna sick of myself and wanting without reason to find a way without out looking...I will finish those things as I said before.

And realize while saying it and doing it that I am more than a little egotistical and even now in the presence of death...thinking of my own and myself.

I am not, will not be ever redeemed to her eyes, the eyes of the old lady I mentioned 8 years ago, That is something I will live with, I tried to keep some images of her around and in the same way to keep some of her stories with me to be able to tell them hereafter and keep her alive that way, the only way.

We were different and she knew and at times I felt antagonized with her and she was sad, and at times as well we traveled the city together and knew it and had our very own adventures and everything was fine.

Adventures, so many of them, yes.

Adventures that she couldn't keep but I have for better or worse.

To honor her I should have my very own set of adventures with someone who has yet to come, and that in itself speaks of my own wishes indeed.

Sadness comes in one way and then another and despair comes of one of those and another different.

It is a dark springtime, but if it can be survived life can have a good while ahead I think.